Don’t Put the ‘We’ in Welcome Emails
One of the basics of customer-centric, persuasive copywriting is using “you” and “you’re” rather than “I,” “our” and “we.” People are self-centered and respond better when you make your site all about them. This goes for all touch points in your marketing – including your welcome emails.
Before you say “but you can’t spell “welcome” without “we,” take a read over this actual welcome email I received:
When I opened our first store 51 years ago, no one could have imagined the ease of online shopping. From the beginning – starting with [the stores], continuing through our catalog and now at website.com – we’ve made exceeding your expectations for quality and service our first priority. Now that we‘re in touch by email, we can offer you even more.
Together we‘ll share the pleasures of [online retail category].
Do you “we-we” all over yourself? Take the test with Future Now’s nifty We We Monitor. Simply enter your URL, hit submit and check your We We Quotient.
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Well I tried my URL and “we” are getting 85%. I may be getting old but I’m not quite “we-ing” myself just yet!
Great post, as usual
OK then smarty… I know you’re not a copy-writer but how would you rewrite that sample email?
I suspect the answer is “I wouldn’t”. Sure, you could say something like “it’s now easier than ever for you to order from us”… but is the customer really interested in how difficult it USED to be to order from you? I think the correct solution is to talk about something else entirely.
Would love some copywriting rockstars to post their revamp suggestions…
@John. Looks like – in between patting themselves on the back – they were trying to say “don’t worry – we’ve moved online, but it’s the same great service”. Based on that, here’s a quick shot at a less self-centric rewrite:
—
Hi there. Thanks for signing up to our emails.
The online store is new, but our hope is it will exceed your expectations just like we have for the last 51 years through our stores and catalogs.
Now that you’ve got our email address, feel free to drop us an email if you feel we could improve anything.
http://www.website.com
I suspect few recipients would read the original welcome message. Depending on context, perhaps it could be eliminated entirely, or replaced with a simple “Thanks for signing up!”
If the message truly is necessary, daniel’s re-write is certainly an improvement.
I’d like to see it even shorter. (And I’m remove the “exceeding your expectations” bit, as it has become cliche.)
Great post. I already updated my website to get rid of some of the “we” and added you and yours. I’m sure it will make a difference in how the customer relates to the site and products.
Heh! Neat tool. I checked two of my websites. I was surprised – I’d have assumed we did better on the one that we actually did worse on. (And see, I did it a bunch in this comment too!)
Great…I will change mine!!
Fun little tool. Definitely something to use when you think your copy is final. Kind of “second opinion” tool.
Good bit of marketing psychology there, you have to always make you’re readers or customers feel like they are being addressed.